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Thursday, February 19, 2015

My dad and me

I will never, ever forget the moment. The worst moment of my life, to date. My husband and I had been married only a week. We'd just sat down at a local bar/restaurant, ordered, and were going to watch a MN Twins game on TV. I'd been ignoring a bunch of calls from my brother, Kurt, just figuring I'd call him back later. Plus, he wasn't leaving any messages. Then I ignored a call from my mom/step-dad, only my step-dad left a message to call ASAP. Then, I got the flip-flop in my stomach and knew something was wrong. Just as I was stepping outside to call them back, my brother rang in again. This time I answered it. He was being all awkward when I asked "What's up?" He was mumbling and said, "I don't know how to say this." I felt my stomach drop. I instantly thought something awful had happened to our youngest brother, Kevin, as the 2 of them live in Montana together and Kevin had just driven back. What Kurt plainly said instead was, "Dad died."

WHAT??? Dad died?? What the hell are you talking about??? I remember my body starting to tremble and my voice got really high-pitched. Kurt went on to tell me that he'd received a call from the sheriff claiming that our father had passed away in his home. This couldn't be true!!! My dad was 51. FIFTY-ONE! That is far too young to just...die. No, this couldn't be right. After some tumultuous years following my parent's divorce, my dad and I were just heading down the road to getting a really great relationship back! He was getting to know my husband! He had JUST been down a week prior celebrating our wedding, joyful, proud and having a wonderful time! It couldn't be true.

Only, it was. Long story short, my dad suddenly passed away from a heart-attack at age 51 while coming out of the shower. Just like that.

At this time in my life, I was weighing in around 170# on my 5'3" frame. I was obese. In my yo-yo dieting, I'd ended up being an overweight bride and didn't even know it. The weight just creeps back. Just a day prior to learning my dad passed, I'd seen a "sneak peek" of some of our wedding photos. I cried. I had no idea that I'd gotten so overweight again!! So, seeing those photos combined with my dad suddenly passing from a heart attack threw me for a huge loop.

I take after my dad's side of the family. My dad was overweight. He died at age 51. I was overweight. It scared the hell out of me! I couldn't not let myself continue to be overweight and unhealthy and keep yo-yo/crash dieting to lose weight!! I couldn't damage my body with more diet pills either.

This is when my husband and I signed up for one of those EXPENSIVE commercial weight-loss programs. We paid a hefty chunk of change to each drop about 30-35#. It was so expensive, some of the snacks they required were highly processed and they had us taking a bunch of "supplements", but we did get back to a healthy weight.

Since then, I've been pregnant. After my first child, I lost weight quickly from breastfeeding and then began counting calories and running and got down to the slimmest I'd been since probably junior high. I am now after my second pregnancy working on losing the baby weight once again, this time it's not coming off as easily, but it will.

Because of my dad, keeping myself healthy is NEVER far out of my mind. I research and am constantly learning new health tips. I now have 2 children and a husband that need me. My dad and I were re-kindling a relationship that for years had been strained, and I greatly mourn him being gone. We didn't get totally back to that "great place" with our relationship, he didn't get to know and love my husband like I do (and I know he would have) and the saddest part to me is that he will never know my children and the joy they bring. He would have absolutely adored them. But even though he's gone, I thank him daily for giving me the jump-start to get my butt in gear, and get healthy. Obviously I wish I could have learned this lesson any different way and that he could still be here, but I have had to accept that that was not God's plan. So, I try to put a positive spin on it and thank my dad daily for giving me the motivation to get healthy, be a role model for my children, and hopefully inspire others to know they CAN do it too.